Decency
Item No. 10
“Decency isn’t built-in to our society, necessarily. It isn’t just ready for us to implement. It doesn’t come with walnut doors, or a pull-out work surface.”Decency isn’t built-in to our society, necessarily. It isn’t just ready for us to implement. It doesn’t come with walnut doors, or a pull-out work surface. (Like the typical thing you might purchase in a catalog.)
We must activate decency in ourselves.
It means each of us must intentionally think not just about ourselves, but about how we relate to others.
Decency appears through our gestures when we regard each other well in each small act of respect. There’s nothing ‘over-the-top’ or boisterous about it. In fact, some might say it is quite the opposite of boisterous. Rather, it appears in simple gestures when we each activate the bare minimums of our accepted standards for each other.
It also appears in the grander and more highly visible actions of leaders who activate the bare minimums of our accepted standards for each other in our institutional frameworks and in the public square.
So we see the principle of decency activated in simple things, like making room for someone in a line. Like shoveling our neighbors’ sidewalk. Like waving hello. Holding a door open. Listening to what someone has to say. Decency is us trying to understand the world from someone else’s vantage point—and it appears when treating a person with kindness.
It appears when we not only listen, but when we hear what a person has to say.
It appears when, as leaders, we ensure our organization leads with decent policies.
If we had to sum it all up? The “Golden Rule,” that famous “ethic of reciprocity,” beckons us to treat others as we ourselves expect to be treated.
Of course, the opposite of decency is indecency or rudeness.
The opposite of decency is a lack of care for others.
The opposite of decency is extreme self-interest.
We list decency in this season’s catalog as it appears in a plethora of headlines these days questioning the acerbic tone of debates in the public square. It might tempt us to point a finger at a specific leader, and the actions of leadership do matter, of course.
Obviously, pointing a finger at someone isn’t decent, though, is it? Rather, decency is owning our own behavior.
Decency begins with each of us.
It shows up in our grander problems.
Half of Americans say people have gotten ruder in public in recent years, but also consider how income inequality seems to increase. CEO pay, that is Chief Executive Officer pay, is currently something like 200 times that of a worker’s pay. This is roughly 16.3 million earned by a chief as compared to an average worker who earns approximately $82,000. We accept that norm, but it is working for our society? Perhaps. But, decency means always wondering again, is this the decent thing to do? It means challenging assumptions like this. It means having a conversation about it, keeping in mind that it means intentionally trying to understand the world from someone else’s vantage point. This professor of psychology suggests asking as a part of a decency audit: Where do our processes inadvertently degrade people? And we might also, perhaps simply insert the word decent in questions we ask ourselves about our standards. This might help us to more regularly assess how we are doing.
We expect profitable companies, for example. But what is a decent profit margin after all?
The lack of decency means an absence of things like respectful communication, empathy and compassion, showing understanding or concern for others and acting with integrity and honesty, being truthful (see catalog entry: Truth) and acting with moral principles.
Where decency is lacking, fairness and impartiality–treating others equally and without bias, lacks. Social responsibility might also lack too. This might mean a lack of contributing positivity to the community and not carefully considering the impact of our behavior or actions on the behavior of others.
To opt in to decency is to give and not get.
Thus, the cost of choosing decency is a choice made for others’ sake. Acting with decency becomes an offering, it demands a kind of quiet sacrifice, even and maybe especially when social cues point elsewhere.
Other specifications:
How it might show up?
Holding doors open for others; offering compliments; Volunteering; Acknowledging efforts; Apologizing; Standing up against injustice or discrimination; Being kind to others; Listening actively; Being honest; Abiding common rules; Consideration of feelings; Cooperation; Accountability.
And perhaps when we send a thank-you note. (Which may mean dusting off some of the old rules of etiquette.)
By the way, other words that represent the concept of decency are words like this: propriety, decorum, seemliness, good taste, respectability, dignity, correctness, good form, etiquette, appropriateness, appropriacy, fitness, suitability, morality, virtue, modesty, purity, delicacy, demureness, wholesomeness, courtesy, politeness, good manners, civility, respect, respectfulness, consideration, thought, thoughtfulness, tact, diplomacy.
(See reference.)
(Also see catalog entry: Us).