Motherhood

Item No. 4

“My friend C. said that I couldn’t possibly add Motherhood to the catalog. It's too sacred.”

Description:

My friend C. said that I couldn’t possibly add Motherhood to The Last Catalog. It's too sacred. The topic is too divisive, he said. Our opinions on the scale and scope of motherhood, might mean that we should leave it in the space of pure taboo. Something not to be touched. Something not to be talked about. He said I’d risk nobody reading the catalog if I added it, so as the debates about becoming or not becoming a mother or who can be a mother or how or not to become a mother. Something like that can’t possibly land in a catalog, especially a catalog about The (Death of a )Thing (even if it's an artsy one like this.) We might all become too grumpy thinking about it he said. But even so, motherhood is listed in The Last Catalog. Perhaps my friend has best articulated why it should be. We’re passionate about it. We care about it on all sides. It holds us together in our opposition about it. (See Catalog entry Us). At least we agree its a topic to be debated about.

A mother is a parent, someone who raises a child, whether the child is biologically speaking, hers. That’s when motherhood begins. Of course, a woman who gives birth becomes a mother, too. And we’ve all had a mother. Some say “a mother’s love is the purest love you will ever know.” Others would probably disagree with that. We list Motherhood this season as globally, the fertility rate–that is the number of children born to women of childbearing age–has been declining for some time. This means fewer births overall, fewer women becoming mothers. It seems many factors might contribute to this, among them education and employment opportunities and the cost of raising a child. Work takes time. Especially in career-building phases. But even in later phases, too, depending on the culture of work. And childcare is expensive. Pair this with a dip in income for women after a child is born. Younger women, in particular, report that cost may be a barrier to having a child. But the path to becoming a mother may shift too. A growing share of adults is not partnered. Men and women are sometimes at odds with each other, sometimes with “a growing divide in social outlook.” Last, those who choose not to have children may have responsibility on their minds, the responsibility to raise a child, the desire for their own personal freedom and fulfillment. While a mother’s love may be the purest love you will ever know, others believe that life may not only be complete without having children, it may not be completely about having children. For those who do partner, there are generational shifts noted in the share of household responsibilities between partners, so there is some promise the balance of work may shift in new, more holistic ways, amongst partners for the future. Thus opening up new ways of being for everyone. Maybe in a few years time motherhood will become a ‘discontinued item’ in The (Death of a) Thing. The Last Catalog. By the way, this catalog was already in production when The New Yorker article, The End of Children, was published.

Cost:
What is the cost of The (Death of) Motherhood? The End of Children, it seems may sum up the price. But perhaps not the cost.
Practically speaking, for the sake of The Last Catalog, if motherhood continues to phase itself out there might be no cost at all but monetary savings. In other words, in catalog speak–a big life discount–for those who never become a mother. Due to things like the motherhood penalty, which means that on average, mothers make 63 cents for every dollar paid to fathers. (even full-time employed mothers make 71 cents for every dollar made by a father.) And why would a father dedicate their life to caring for a child? Isn’t there still some social stigma associated with that? (Seems like there may be an opportunity for us to look at the functional demands of being a parent and to parse out the responsibilities to the parent either mother or father, whoever is most suited, whether that be the mother or father, but that’s beyond the scope of this catalog.) And is it even affordable to do so? To have one parent allocate all of their time to a child? We might consider the price of life. For the most part the whole endeavor is financed by the parents in their time and with their money (roughly $300,000 per child in the US these days, apparently.) Which parent doesn’t hope for their child to have a brilliant future? So the cost? Seems like a lot of savings–rebate style. We haven’t mentioned the savings of time, sleep, or worry.

There are significant non-economic costs, though. Not confronting one's own limitations, not having responsibility for another being, a missed opportunity for patience, playfulness, joy, and often finding unconditional love, heartache, and a sense of purpose. Also, a missed opportunity for all of us—anyone who encounters this child—to experience wonder and imagination through the eyes of a human being new to this world who is also in need of love. “Teach the children we don’t matter so much,” said the poet Mary Oliver. And this: “Show them daisies and the pale hepatica. Teach them the taste of sassafras and wintergreen. The lives of blue sailors, mallow sunbursts, the moccasin flowers, and the frosty ones, inkberry, lamb’s-quarters, blueberries. And the aromatic ones, - rosemary, oregano. Give them peppermint to put in their pockets as they go to school.”

Other specifications:

Love. Love. Love.

The Last Catalog

← Prev Index Next →

_{The Last Catalog}